Wednesday Night

It's very hard for me to describe the last two days.  As Americans we all too often focus on externals to find happiness, even when we know it cannot be derived that way.  Here, in the slums of Nairobi, I have seen first hand what joy truly looks like.  The love and joy in the eyes of these children has been astounding.  The love shown to me by them has humbled me and has taught me a powerful lesson.   All they wanted was hugs and connection.  As one of my teammates said tonight, given the opportunity to leave the slums, these children would stay because they have all they need right there.   They are surrounded by so much love.  And, isn't that really all we need to be happy, to be loved and understood?

We have spent the last two afternoons being of service to the Mercy School.  Today I painted a classroom and helped to build desks.  I felt very useful.

At tonight's team meeting we discussed why we choose to be of service.  I found myself sitting and listening but not really agreeing with much being talked about.  I felt frustrated.  I wanted to shout my protest.  But, I sat silent.   I felt that they were saying that my motivation for service was not "as good" as theirs.  Of course there is a lesson for me here and I anxiously await it making it presence known to me.  I'm feeling a bit disconnected as a result.

I am of service because I can help others, not for my gain, but to give others opportunity to create the lives of their dreams, just as those opportunities have been given to me.  Sure, my spirit is nourished in the process but it a biproduct of my service and not the motivation for it.  I am of service because i can be.  I am of service because I want to be, even when it's not easy or convenient.   Sometimes my service is about connection but most often it's because I have resources others do not. Without those resources connections cannot be made.  (I had to raise funds to get here - nobody said, "all we need is for you to come here and connect with us). There is nothing wrong with being helpful to others as long as you are fulfilling their need and not imposing your will on them.    Maybe I misunderstood the message tonight.  I'm tired.

Tomorrow we venture outside of Nairobi to Ambroseli.  We will visit two Masai villages over the next two days and learn about their culture.  Jodi will lead kids yoga.  We will have some much needed R&R..these 14 hour days are tough.